Fifty Shades of Whatsamata U.

Christian Grey slipped out of his nice new office slacks. Anastasia Steele eyed his boxers with the intensity of a jungle cat while his meat jostled about in them like tossed fruit. She is so wet right now.

Grey took off his office jacket, a shitty and worn hand-me-down from his father. Anastasia could feel the river between her legs like she were pissing. The man before her was now almost entirely naked. He wore only his white boxers.

"I love to watch you in your boxers," said Anastasia, who was still fully dressed.

Christian Grey walked over to Ms. Steele and tore her shirt off of her. She squealed like a pig being butchered. Then Grey threw her to the floor and pummeled her face with a one-two combo. She was getting really wet. So wet, in fact, that her mouth began to water.

Steele was on the ground, a pool forming around her waist. Saliva oozed slowly from her mouth.

"I love when you hit me like a big meany!" Steele squirted into her underpants.

"I'm gonna get down on top of you and give you some S and M. Some kinky shit!" cried Christian Grey whose disappointing chooster was invisible through boxers, even when hard. He grabbed her by her arm and tied her to the bedpost. Then he grabbed her tit and squeezed it really hard in his right hand. He stared into Anastasia's eyes as he did this, and he strained his neck so that all the cords of his tendons bulged. He brought his bottom jaw forward into a massive under-bite, revealing his teeth.

"I'm gonna squeeze your tit juice!"

Anastasia strained her neck so it looked all ropey and she stared into Grey's eyes. She loved it.

"I love this," she said.

Moistness started seeping through Steele's bra. "That's a nice wet tit," Grey said, gripping it hard with his right hand. His left hand was being held high in the air, the fingers curled awkwardly.

"Do you want to give me some kinky shit?" Anastasia said, taking her free hand and rubbing her feet seductively.

"Do you mean like feeding you my slippers?"

"I mean that."

"Not yet, I want to tease you to make this really wet. I'm getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet just getting wet."