"I'm gonna do it, everyone!" Sam yelled while standing on the very tip top of the Golden Gate Bridge, ready to jump off and die in the water below because he was very, very sad. This is character development.
"Don't do it!" His wife CRIED.
But, while Sam was preparing to leap to his death, there was another man on the bridge stealing his thunder. This man was RAPING a woman who was totally helpless unless Sam did something really brave about it. Sam took a leap, but this leap wasn't to end a life, this leap was to SAVE a life. He's the good guy.
"Stop raping that girl," Sam demanded to the other man who stood there in the rain -- it was raining -- with his pants and underwear around his ankles, his gleaming little piss-shooter glowing real glow-like in the lamp-light above. But uh-oh, what's this!? A zombie just bit the man in the neck!
"Uh oh!" Sam yelled. His wife ran up to him as he was being brave and threw herself in front of him while the half-naked zombie pootled over and gave her a proper gnaw and tear to the base of her ass. She was a zombie now too, and this was really hard on Sam who already had a really hard life. Still, Sam triumphed over his fear of life and his sadness and everything and he became very emotionally powerful. It wouldn't save his wife, but it'd save his life. And the life of that girl being raped.
Sam grabbed the rapee's hand and started to sprint with her and they ran for a while until they got to an alley that was dark.
"This is a dark alley," the girl said. "Thanks for saving my life," she then threw herself upon Sam.
"Babe, it's alright. I've got you."
The girl unzipped her blouse and began to fuck Sam really hard up against a dumpster, all humpity-hump and nasty-like; but then the zombies came. The zombies startling presence startled Sam who blew a decent-sized load into the girl. This could maybe get her pregnant and cause a lot of future struggles, which is interesting drama.
"I've had a hard enough life! Why can't you zombies leave me alone?" Sam cursed the sky and grabbed the girl whose name he didn't know but had just got done fucking and ran with her to a big tree that seemed safe. Only the tree wasn't safe. The tree had, up in its branches, LOTS of zombies. They jumped down and landed on top of the new girl that Sam loved and killed her on the spot. She got up as a zombie.
"I'm sorry..." Sam said, whimpering, as he brought his gun to her forehead and blew her fucking brains out all over the place. "I'm gonna kill all you zombies!"
Then Sam looked away and saw a guy in a wheelchair whose name was Justin. What a pathetic bastard, riding around in a wheelchair. It's not even a very nice wheelchair.
"Run!" Sam yelled to the man. Justin just sat there staring at Sam with this look like you're-retarded-and-I-hate-you. But Sam actually ran away and left Justin there by himself to fight off a horde of zombies that could actually use their legs. The thought of that made Sam wonder who the real freaks were: the zombies, or the fucking crips. He concluded that at least Justin was more of a freak than the zombies, riding in his cheap wheelchair.
The zombies chased Justin and he came to a staircase. Uh-oh, because wheelchairs and their operators can't climb stairs. Well, it just so happened that Justin was being chased by the asshole zombies, so they pushed him out of his wheelchair and onto the steps before attacking.
"Help, these zombies are fucking me up big time over here!" Justin cried and whimpered and moaned, hoping someone that was actually capable would help him. "Please, I just need one able-bodied person! Please!"
Carter heard the embarrassing and pathetic shrieks and ran to the stairs with his desert eagle in hand. "Pop-pop, motherfuckers," he said while he blasted cannon-ball-size holes into the row of zombies, killing them all in supremely brave fashion.
"Thank you, Carter! I don't know what I would have done without you and your capable legs!" Justin thought it best to patronize.
"Your mouth smells like dick, boy," Carter said.
"Sir, I ain't no fuckin' queer," Justin replied.
"Boy, you tell me the truth, boy. Don't lie to me!"
Justin kept his gayness a secret because it was bad enough that he was already a physically-retarded ass-muncher. Then Sam came back and saw Carter, who was looking so damn fine that day that, damn, he just looked so good.
"Carter!" Sam knew Carter from their Vietnam days.
"Sam," Carter said, "we didn't leave on the best of terms back in the war."
Sam wasn't ready to reveal to Carter that he was gay too, and retarded. He was so gay and retarded that he actually had left Justin earlier just so he could go blow off one of his mental aid teachers. "Yes, oh yes, gimme the aid," he would cry to his teacher.
Aid goo was now glazed all over Sam's front, because that teacher just spews buckets of aid when he aids. Sam wasn't just gay and retarded though, he was also sad and depressed. About being gay and retarded. It's a never-ending circle of cock and finger-paints.
"Listen here, I'm so fucking cool," Carter said. And it was true. It was objective fact.
"We need to go find Chris!" Sam cried. Chris had been the one to introduce Sam to his wife. It was on a sunny day -- almost so sunny and perfect a day that it'll probably make you cry just to think about how sunny and happy that day was compared to this awful zombie apocalypse day -- and she was looking really good sorting cans at Tenco. She sorted like a professional retard. Needless to say, Chris and Sam were close. So close, in fact, that Chris was the one to give Sam aid!
"There he is!" Justin yelled from the ground. His wheelchair had broken because it was just so shitty and cheap.
"Hey, guys," said Chris. He grabbed Sam by the cock-sack and gave a real good squeeze as Sam grimaced really painfully but happily.
"Cut the shit, Chris. We know you did it. We know you started this zombie apocalypse," said Carter in his black tuxedo with mega-babes crawling up his legs to his monstrous, master dong. There was subtle chatter between the girls about who would get to ride that fucking beast first and they all decided to just have sex with him at the same time and do anything he wanted because he was just that incredible. Sam was shitting in his pants at this moment -- so much shit, in fact, that it welled up about his waist-line, trying to escape his pants like a vinegar and baking soda volcano, and he tried to stop it, forcing it back down from whence it came with a flurry of retarded hand movements. It swelled through his often misplaced arm-jabs and gushed out like someone squeezing a tube of toothpaste. Luckily Justin was already on the floor to hound all of the fallen brown shit, or Sam might have eaten it all.
"You'll never take me alive!" Chris yelled, and then Carter blasted that motherfucker between the eyes.
"Wanna see me stop this zombie apocalypse right now," Carter asked everyone. The girls cheered as they were tearing at Carter's trousers and belt loops and cock-covering zipper.
'Yes!' Justin and Sam cried.
"Wanna see me do it again? Yee mudderfucker, yeeeeeeee."
"Don't do it!" His wife CRIED.
But, while Sam was preparing to leap to his death, there was another man on the bridge stealing his thunder. This man was RAPING a woman who was totally helpless unless Sam did something really brave about it. Sam took a leap, but this leap wasn't to end a life, this leap was to SAVE a life. He's the good guy.
"Stop raping that girl," Sam demanded to the other man who stood there in the rain -- it was raining -- with his pants and underwear around his ankles, his gleaming little piss-shooter glowing real glow-like in the lamp-light above. But uh-oh, what's this!? A zombie just bit the man in the neck!
"Uh oh!" Sam yelled. His wife ran up to him as he was being brave and threw herself in front of him while the half-naked zombie pootled over and gave her a proper gnaw and tear to the base of her ass. She was a zombie now too, and this was really hard on Sam who already had a really hard life. Still, Sam triumphed over his fear of life and his sadness and everything and he became very emotionally powerful. It wouldn't save his wife, but it'd save his life. And the life of that girl being raped.
Sam grabbed the rapee's hand and started to sprint with her and they ran for a while until they got to an alley that was dark.
"This is a dark alley," the girl said. "Thanks for saving my life," she then threw herself upon Sam.
"Babe, it's alright. I've got you."
The girl unzipped her blouse and began to fuck Sam really hard up against a dumpster, all humpity-hump and nasty-like; but then the zombies came. The zombies startling presence startled Sam who blew a decent-sized load into the girl. This could maybe get her pregnant and cause a lot of future struggles, which is interesting drama.
"I've had a hard enough life! Why can't you zombies leave me alone?" Sam cursed the sky and grabbed the girl whose name he didn't know but had just got done fucking and ran with her to a big tree that seemed safe. Only the tree wasn't safe. The tree had, up in its branches, LOTS of zombies. They jumped down and landed on top of the new girl that Sam loved and killed her on the spot. She got up as a zombie.
"I'm sorry..." Sam said, whimpering, as he brought his gun to her forehead and blew her fucking brains out all over the place. "I'm gonna kill all you zombies!"
Then Sam looked away and saw a guy in a wheelchair whose name was Justin. What a pathetic bastard, riding around in a wheelchair. It's not even a very nice wheelchair.
"Run!" Sam yelled to the man. Justin just sat there staring at Sam with this look like you're-retarded-and-I-hate-you. But Sam actually ran away and left Justin there by himself to fight off a horde of zombies that could actually use their legs. The thought of that made Sam wonder who the real freaks were: the zombies, or the fucking crips. He concluded that at least Justin was more of a freak than the zombies, riding in his cheap wheelchair.
The zombies chased Justin and he came to a staircase. Uh-oh, because wheelchairs and their operators can't climb stairs. Well, it just so happened that Justin was being chased by the asshole zombies, so they pushed him out of his wheelchair and onto the steps before attacking.
"Help, these zombies are fucking me up big time over here!" Justin cried and whimpered and moaned, hoping someone that was actually capable would help him. "Please, I just need one able-bodied person! Please!"
Carter heard the embarrassing and pathetic shrieks and ran to the stairs with his desert eagle in hand. "Pop-pop, motherfuckers," he said while he blasted cannon-ball-size holes into the row of zombies, killing them all in supremely brave fashion.
"Thank you, Carter! I don't know what I would have done without you and your capable legs!" Justin thought it best to patronize.
"Your mouth smells like dick, boy," Carter said.
"Sir, I ain't no fuckin' queer," Justin replied.
"Boy, you tell me the truth, boy. Don't lie to me!"
Justin kept his gayness a secret because it was bad enough that he was already a physically-retarded ass-muncher. Then Sam came back and saw Carter, who was looking so damn fine that day that, damn, he just looked so good.
"Carter!" Sam knew Carter from their Vietnam days.
"Sam," Carter said, "we didn't leave on the best of terms back in the war."
Sam wasn't ready to reveal to Carter that he was gay too, and retarded. He was so gay and retarded that he actually had left Justin earlier just so he could go blow off one of his mental aid teachers. "Yes, oh yes, gimme the aid," he would cry to his teacher.
Aid goo was now glazed all over Sam's front, because that teacher just spews buckets of aid when he aids. Sam wasn't just gay and retarded though, he was also sad and depressed. About being gay and retarded. It's a never-ending circle of cock and finger-paints.
"Listen here, I'm so fucking cool," Carter said. And it was true. It was objective fact.
"We need to go find Chris!" Sam cried. Chris had been the one to introduce Sam to his wife. It was on a sunny day -- almost so sunny and perfect a day that it'll probably make you cry just to think about how sunny and happy that day was compared to this awful zombie apocalypse day -- and she was looking really good sorting cans at Tenco. She sorted like a professional retard. Needless to say, Chris and Sam were close. So close, in fact, that Chris was the one to give Sam aid!
"There he is!" Justin yelled from the ground. His wheelchair had broken because it was just so shitty and cheap.
"Hey, guys," said Chris. He grabbed Sam by the cock-sack and gave a real good squeeze as Sam grimaced really painfully but happily.
"Cut the shit, Chris. We know you did it. We know you started this zombie apocalypse," said Carter in his black tuxedo with mega-babes crawling up his legs to his monstrous, master dong. There was subtle chatter between the girls about who would get to ride that fucking beast first and they all decided to just have sex with him at the same time and do anything he wanted because he was just that incredible. Sam was shitting in his pants at this moment -- so much shit, in fact, that it welled up about his waist-line, trying to escape his pants like a vinegar and baking soda volcano, and he tried to stop it, forcing it back down from whence it came with a flurry of retarded hand movements. It swelled through his often misplaced arm-jabs and gushed out like someone squeezing a tube of toothpaste. Luckily Justin was already on the floor to hound all of the fallen brown shit, or Sam might have eaten it all.
"You'll never take me alive!" Chris yelled, and then Carter blasted that motherfucker between the eyes.
"Wanna see me stop this zombie apocalypse right now," Carter asked everyone. The girls cheered as they were tearing at Carter's trousers and belt loops and cock-covering zipper.
'Yes!' Justin and Sam cried.
"Wanna see me do it again? Yee mudderfucker, yeeeeeeee."
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